Define, Hell V: Graduation Surprises
by cpneb
Summary: It’s college graduation for Kim and Ron and others. The aliens are coming...but they have some surprises when they arrive. New folks are entering the lives of our Middleton friends... from Cheyenne Mountain and beyond. Define, Hell V, ch. 2, is here.
1. Chapter 1: mimics, and peanut butter

_**Define, Hell V: Graduation Surprises **_

Disclaimer/Author's Notes: Kim Possible and all the characters of the show are owned by the Disney Company. All other characters can be blamed on the author (he, however, is not responsible for all of their actions at all times, being barely responsible for himself most of the time….).

This is a strictly not-for-profit, just-for-fun work.

**A/N Forward: **

Question:

What happened after _**Define, Hell IV: Changes, and Christmas?**_

Answer:

It's graduation, only now it's from University, and Kim, Ron, Bonnie, Felix, Joss, Wade, Monique, Walter, Sarah, Chip, Becky, Jim, Jennifer, and Tim have all formed a close set of relationships with each other (both inside their paring and outside). Tara starts to work on one, and so does Will Du.

Meanwhile, the aliens are coming...but they have some surprises when they arrive.

And, there are some new folks entering the lives of our friends from Middleton: from Cheyenne Mountain, to be precise…and, beyond.

We have angst, we have fluff (and, there will be smuff), and we have…well, I'm not sure what you'll call it all, but it's here.

This is the beginning of DH V...

--

And now, on _**Define, Hell V: Graduation Surprises **_

**Chapter 1: mimics, and peanut butter **

--

(Tuesday, May 1, 2012, on the command ship, circling Alpha Centauri)

"So, have we found the Great Blue?" Warmonga asked, and Warhok sighed. That was all that was on her mind: the Great Blue, the fairy tale that she swore was real from the broadcasts from that accursed planet in the next star system.

"We have located him, Warmonga: he is in a h'roto, an Earth prison for those who have not been mind-adjusted," WarJunge announced, proud that he had been able to decipher the strange language and create the translation device that allowed them all to understand, in real time, what was coming from the planet.

"Can we retrieve him?" She asked, and he nodded.

"We can send the mimics in to get him: we cannot, ourselves, because we don't blend in," he laughed.

"Do it," she commanded, and WarJunge pressed a button on his console.

10 human-shaped creatures walked into the room and knelt at WarJunge's chair.

"Your command, Master?" one of them asked, and WarJunge flashed a picture onto the monitor above his desk.

"Bring this one back to Warmonga," he stated, and they all looked up with vacant eyes that suddenly blazed with understanding.

"We will bring him, Master." the one who responded first replied.

"Good: you will find the information you need on the scout craft ready for departure," and they all stood, bowed, and left en masse.

"Very good, WarJunge," Warmoga commented after they left, "but we will see if they succeed."

"They **will** succeed, Warmonga," he assured her.

Her battle-mate, Warhok, quietly sat in his seat behind her, as he should be.

It was going well…except for that accursed switch.

She wished, once again, that she had never allowed Warhok to install his accursed switch in the vehicles of the Fleet.

The replacement of the switches has thrown them so far off schedule that she was concerned about consumables. Perhaps something on that accursed planet would satisfy their needs, and she grinned.

--

(Tuesday, May 1, 2012: Go City)

Kim Possible closed her Advanced Thermodynamics textbook with a loud SLAM! and laughed out loud.

"What's so funny, K?" Bonnie Rockwaller asked her while she sat in her fiancée's lap and spent a great deal of attention on his right ear.

"HUSH! I'm trying to study," Sarah added.

"What's the subject today, Sarah: biology, or anatomy?" Kim smirked, and Sarah nuzzled Chip's neck even more.

"You're just jellin', Kim, 'cause Ron has that catering gig tonight in the Paris Hotel on the lakeshore, and you can't get any…attention," Sarah laughed, and Chip quieted her by covering her mouth with his.

"You're probably right, Sarah," Kim agreed, looking at the stack of books on her desk. She sighed: she did miss Ron, tonight, but she knew that he'd be back in a couple of hours and then…

She turned bright red at her thoughts.

Bonnie happened to look up and see Kim turn from normal to flush, and she laughed: "K! GF, get your mind out of the gutter!" Felix laughed as he rubbed Bonnie's back, and she purred in agreement with his action.

Kim looked at Bonnie and grinned: here was the young woman that she had despised on more than one occasion in both High School and her first three semesters of college, who she had wanted to destroy after she had destroyed Pandaroo, and now they were roommates and both joining the United States Air Force upon graduation.

She looked over at Sarah and smiled as she watched Sarah, the young woman who had spent most of her high school life in the background…until that night, when the whole World changed. She had blossomed into a force to be reckoned with 'in more ways than one,' Kim grinned as she watched Sarah and Chip Design, her fiancée, take PG to new heights in the living room. 'Not like she and Ron had never done that, here, either,' and Kim flushed, once again, as she thought of her best friend, boy friend, and now fiancée, the young man who had grown so much after Kim went down.

Shirley had said it best to Kim, one day when Kim had visited her in prison:

"Sidekick stepped up, Princess," Shirley said with a smile, "and I was glad I was right: I was sure he had it in him, but he never showed more that flashed of it when we fought."

All of this was fun, but she still marveled at how all of her friends and family had 'stepped up' when she went down. She owed them so much, she thought, that she would never be able to repay them.

'Maybe, this is the first step,' she thought as she reached into her desk file drawer and pulled out the picture that she never thought could happen.

Wade, his arm around the waist of an Asgard: Thor, to be precise, Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet, and Thor was reciprocating.

'And, to think: two years ago, I had no idea what an Asgard was, let alone knew that they even existed,' she smiled as she remembered her first meeting with one of her heroes…

--

(Monday, October 4, 2010)

Kim had just come from AFROTC training, and she hadn't changed out of her uniform before she made her lunch and started to study when there was a knock-

"Miss Possible? I'm sorry, the door was open, so we just came in," the voice explained.

Kim looked up from her desk in the dorm at the source of the unfamiliar female voice that had greeted her, and her jaw dropped: not an easy feat, given that she was studying her 'Politics of the Renaissance and Reformation' textbook while eating a peanut-butter-and-grape-jelly sandwich, and she had just taken a big bite.

Kim chewed quickly, and the woman, dressed in full Air Force blues and carrying a thin leather briefcase, smiled.

'She even has a presence eating,' she thought. 'Betty was certainly right about that.'

"Colonel Carter," Kim stood and saluted after she swallowed. Sam returned the salute with a grin.

"It's not necessary to salute me, Miss Possible: you're not on active duty, yet."

"I know, ma'am, but it's out of respect, and I've been a huge fan of yours, ever since you started making the news. I wanted to be just like you when I grew up," Kim gushed, and Sam grinned outside and grimaced inside:

'I'm not **that** old!' Sam thought to herself. "Miss Possible, I'd like to introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Daniel Jackson," and Kim smiled as the gentleman in the dark brown suit stepped forward and took her offered hand and shook it, squeezing it before he released.

"It's indeed my pleasure to meet you, Miss Possible: I've been a follower of _**Team Possible**_, ever since you were a sophomore in high school," Daniel smiled.

"Thank you, Dr. Jackson, and please: it's Kim."

"Do you have a moment, Kim? We'd like to talk to you about something important."

"Certainly, Colonel Carter: what's the sitch?" she asked as she pointed to the dining room chairs and hastily brushed the crumbs off of the table.

Daniel grabbed a towel and wiped it down for her after she lifted her books and moved them to the counter.

"Thank you, Dr. Jackson," she smiled, a bit embarrassed at the mess in the kitchen and table..

"It's Daniel, Kim, and it's 'no big'", Daniel laughed, and Sam and Kim both groaned at him. "We're the ones intruding on your study time," Daniel continued as he remembered, more than once, having to do the same thing when he had unexpected visitors in college. He offered to pull Kim's chair out for her, and she smiled and took the offer.

"You never did that for me, Daniel," Sam laughed as she sat.

"You were never that young, Sam," Daniel said with a laugh, and Kim blushed a bit.

"Kim, did you wonder why you had to sign all of the security clearance documents and go through the background checks when you started in AFROTC?" Sam began.

"Not really: I assumed that everyone did," she replied.

"Not everyone, Kim, not to the level that you, Miss Bonnie Rockwaller and Miss Sarah Best did."

"Why just us?"

"Kim, how much did you know about what your uncle, Dr. Samuel Clemens Possible, was doing at his ranch?"

"Not much," Kim admitted. "I know that Nana is continuing his work up there, though: what does that have to do with you coming to see me?."

"Kim, how well do you know a Dr. Wade Agamemnon Load?" Daniel asked, and Kim doubled over in a hard and long laugh, holding her sides as she laughed.

"Wade?" she finally was able to reply after she stopped. "Other than the fact that he saved my life on more than one occasion, and he's one of my dearest friends in the entire world, and that _**I**_ would take a bullet for _**him**_: no, I don't know him at all," she smirked.

'Dang, and she even sounds like Vala," Daniel grinned inside.

"Kim, do you believe that life can exist on other planets?" Sam asked her, and Kim looked at her with a smile.

"Dad always told us that anything was possible, and that includes believing in life out there. Besides, Dad works at the Middleton Space Center, and all his friends are convinced that there is life: why?"

Sam opened her briefcase and pulled out a folder. Placing the folder on the table in front of Kim, she opened it.

Kim gasped for three reasons:

One, it was obviously not a fake photo;

Two, Wade was standing there, shaking the hands of an alien being: long, slender fingers wrapped around his not-as-pudgy-as they-used-to-be ones; and

Three: her mother, Dr. Anne Possible, was standing there with the two of them, smiling.

Only one word came to her mind:

"Snap," she giggled, and then she fainted.

--

**Author's Afterward**

We're back, and it's started up.

For a short story that started as a response to an old joke, this has exploded…and it was a good explosion.

Unfortunately for the newest creatures, the plot squirrels that have assumed lodging in my trees in the yard didn't get their construction permits approved to add onto my house. Unfortunately for me, though, the bunnies have also taken up residence in the back yard (three of them, and lots of baby bunnies are roaming the neighborhood at night). **Define, Hell** will continue, in spite of the setback to the squirrels.

In case you hadn't noticed, there are a few new actors involved, thanks to the _**StarGate SG-1**_ and _**StarGate: Atlantis**_ shows, and there will be a slight twist to the last episode of _**StarGate SG-1**_

--

Next, on _**Define, Hell V (or, Define, Hell, IIIII): Graduation Surprises: **_

"I've been expecting you, Daniel," Wade grinned.

A flash of light, and Colonel Samantha Carter was standing in Dr. Wade Load's bedroom.

"You're just jellin' because I got to work with Sam, and you didn't," Daniel shot back with a laugh.

"Well, Wade, you'll get to work with me, now," Sam replied, and she looked around and smiled.

"I'm liken' the bedding, Dr. Load," Sam grinned, and Wade wished, for the nth time, that he hadn't told his mother that he had ever liked _Captain Constellation_. The comforter seemed to mock him as he looked at it, but-

"At least it's not _'My Little Pony,'_ Sam," Daniel replied in a dead-pan voice, and Wade witnessed an event that he had believed impossible: Colonel Samantha Carter, United States Air Force, blushing.

"Wade, we need your help," Sam began, and the light was more brilliant than anything he had ever directly experienced.

Wade was no longer in his room.

--

To my readers: thank you. The hits and reviews will tell me if this is a one-time read.

Thank you, to all of you, for continuing to support me in this journey.

Thanks again for reading, and please review.

--


	2. Chapter 2: pictures of the new

_**Define, Hell V: Graduation Surprises **_

Disclaimer/Author's Notes: Kim Possible and all the characters of the show are owned by the Disney Company. All other characters can be blamed on the author (he, however, is not responsible for all of their actions at all times, being barely responsible for himself most of the time….).

This is a strictly not-for-profit, just-for-fun work.

**A/N Forward: **

Question:

What happened after _**Define, Hell IV: Changes, and Christmas?**_

Answer:

It's graduation, only now it's from University, and Kim, Ron, Bonnie, Felix, Joss, Wade, Monique, Walter, Sarah, Chip, Becky, Jim, Jennifer, and Tim have all formed a close set of relationships with each other (both inside their paring and outside). Tara starts to work on one, and so does Will Du.

Meanwhile, the aliens are coming...but they have some surprises when they arrive.

And, there are some new folks entering the lives of our friends from Middleton: from Cheyenne Mountain, to be precise…and, beyond.

We have angst, we have fluff (and, there will be smuff), and we have…well, I'm not sure what you'll call it all, but it's here.

This is DH V...

--

And now, on _**Define, Hell V: Graduation Surprises **_

**Chapter 2: pictures of the new**

--

(Wednesday, May 2, 2012, on the Lowardian scout ship, inside the orbit of Jupiter, heading toward Earth)

Two human-shaped creatures, the Lowardian 'mimics', sat at the controls of the scout ship.

Images flashed in front of them: images of the trials of Dr. Drakken and Shego from the Earth news media.

The images stopped, and the mimics were silent.

Then, the one sitting in the pilot's seat spoke:

"A blue human: should one of us match his color?"

"Not unless we need to leave one of us in his place," the other replied.

"Agreed; what about the ones who put him there?"

"The woman?"

"Yes, both the man and woman."

"We were not told to bring them back," the other replied.

"What if they try to stop us? We were not told to eliminate any of these creatures."

The pilot's question went unanswered as they reach the massive band of asteriods circling the planet's sun.

"A question?"

"Yes?"

"What garments will we need?"

"Garments?" the pilot sounded confused.

"What are the garments worn by the caretakers, the ones overseeing 'the Great Blue?'"

"White garments," and the pilot touched a panel, and pictures of white garments were displayed as worn by caretakers.

"What is the difference in the garment type?"

"One is for what they call male, and one for female."

"What is the difference?"

"Warhok, Warmonga: it's the same for humans," the pilot sighed.

"Understood; I will have the garments made and distributed to all members of the team."

--

Warhok closed the door to his quarters and locked it.

Then, he went to the bed in his room, knelt down, and reached under the bed, pulling out a small communications device and placed it in his ear.

"It is Prior Warhok: I am here," he announced, and his eyes turned a misty grey, contrasting with his bright green skin.

He listened for a few moments, and then continued, "All is as planned. The fleet was delayed for a long enough time for our fleet to locate them. I am in contact, and we are in striking distance of the planet. Mimics have been dispatched to retrieve 'the Great Blue' for Warmonga," he laughed, "and when they return we will commence the assault."

Silence, and then he spoke:

"They are unbelievers who do not follow _**Origin**_, and they will be destroyed."

Silence.

"Hallowed are the Ori," he responded, and he touched his earpiece. His eyes reverted to their normal shading, and he smiled.

This would be so simple…

--

'I wanted to kill them both,' Kim looked at the picture of her mother, Wade, and Thor and laughed inside. She remembered the first time that she saw this picture...

--

Sam opened her briefcase and pulled out a folder. Placing the folder on the table in front of Kim, she opened it.

Kim gasped for three reasons:

One, it was obviously not a fake photo;

Two, Wade was standing there, shaking the hands of an alien being: long, slender fingers wrapped around his now-thinner fingers; and

Three: her mother, Dr. Anne Possible, was standing there with the two of them, smiling.

Only one word came to her mind:

"Snap," she said, then smiled, then giggled, and then she fainted.

"Daniel!" Sam called, but Daniel was ahead of her and caught Kim before she cracked her head on the table. He gently placed her in a dining room chair and checked for breathing.

"Good catch," Sam added as Daniel removed a small packet, opened it, and waved it underneath Kim's nose. She shook her head violently twice and opened her eyes wide, stared at Daniel, and grinned.

"All right, how did you do that?"

"Do what?" Sam asked.

"Create that picture."

"With a camera," Daniel replied, and Kim shook her head 'no' three times.

"You're telling me that my Mother and Wade are working with aliens?"

"Saving them, to be precise," Sam replied, and Kim swung her head in Sam's direction.

"Yes, Kim," Sam laughed. "Your mother and Wade have, indeed, 'saved the world,' just not this one."

Kim groaned inside at Sam's comment, but she had a question for the Colonel:

"How?"

"Wade hacked one too many things, and I found him," Daniel began.

"Wade, hacking: now, there's a surprise," Kim smirked, and Sam chuckled.

"He and I corresponded for several months," Daniel continued, "until I had a situation that required his assistance.

"I was nowhere near here at the time, so I had to come back quickly and take a helicopter from Headquarters to Middleton. I, unfortunately, forgot one minor detail," Daniel smiled.

"And, that was...?" Kim asked.

"To find out how old Dr. Load was," Daniel admitted, and both Kim and Sam laughed...

--

Daniel rang the doorbell, and an Anglo brunette woman answered the door.

'_**That's**_ not what I expected,' Daniel thought and smiled, adjusting the portfolio in his left hand.

"May I help you?" the woman asked, smiling.

"Yes, I'm looking for Dr. Load."

"Both he and his wife died," the woman responded as her smiling face started to lose its smile and become less friendly.

Daniel's heart jumped.

"When?" he asked.

"A few years ago, if it's any of your business," the woman replied as her face completed its trip to the dark side, and she began to close the door.

"Wait," Daniel shoved his foot into the door and felt the weight of the door mash his foot into the door jam. "But, I just got an email from him three weeks ago."

"Oh," she stopped pushing the door: "you must mean Wade, then," she opened the door, her expression returning to the light as she smiled. "He's next door. Come on: I'll introduce you, Mr. …"

"Jackson. Daniel Jackson."

"Mr. Jackson. I'm Carlene Best, Wade's step-mom," Carlene replied as they walked across the yard to Wade's house.

"Forgive me, Mrs. Best, but aren't you awfully young to be Dr. Load's step-mom?"

"The question you should ask, Dr. Jackson, is whether I'm _**young**_ enough to be the step-mom of Dr. Wade Agamemnon Load."

"Wade Aga- _**that**_ Dr. Load?" Daniel's surprise showed in his voice.

Carlene chuckled and replied, "the one and only...thank goodness," opening the front door and motioning down the hall. "This way," and she headed down the hall and stopped at a door, knocking.

Daniel noticed the security cameras deftly hidden and the sensor panels in the walls. Carlene touched the doorknob and turned it, opening it partway and motioning to Daniel to enter. He opened the door and stepped in.

The 10 ceiling-mounted monitors caught Daniel's attention, but it was the large one in the center that became the sole focus of his attention: not for the monitor itself, but for the image occupying it:

Global Justice head Dr. Elizabeth Director

Betty looked up and grinned. "Wade, I see we've got company, and I didn't even have time to bake my peanut butter and macadamia nut cookies," she laughed, and Wade shot a raspberry as he turned around.

"Dr. Daniel Jackson, I presume," he smiled, stood, and extended his hand.

Daniel, surprised at the appearance of Dr. Director and the youthful appearance of Dr. Load, shook Wade's hand and asked: "_**You're**_ the 'Strawberry Madman'?" Daniel asked, and Betty laughed.

"Wade, have you been hacking, again?" she chided, and Wade grinned.

"Just a few incursions, Betty, but I touched nothing passed my clearances."

"You were _stopped_, in other words," Betty grinned, and Wade grinned and nodded.

"Dr. Jackson: thank you for not ratting me out to General O'Neill or General Landry," Wade continued as he pulled a chair up for Daniel to sit.

"I'll be going, Dr. Jackson. And, Wade: you be nice to the good Doctor from Colorado Springs," Betty laughed.

"Yes, 'Mother'," Wade replied sarcastically and laughed as Betty cut the signal.

Daniel realized that Carlene had left, as well, and that the door was closed.

"First, Dr. Load: congratulations on your work on the Haesphestus-3 material," Daniel began, but Wade waved him off.

"It wasn't me, Dr. Jackson: James, Vivian, Jim, Tim, and a host of others started it."

"But, you have been the person leading the research in the advances in the material and have taken it further than any one of them ever could," Daniel countered.

"So, sue me: I'm nosy." Wade laughed.

"So, that's why you tried to hack Cheyenne Mountain?"

"Well..." Wade smiled, "I had some free time," and Daniel smiled: here was a young man after his own heart.

"It's not a problem, Dr. Load," Daniel relaxed. "We were able to use your attempts to justify upgrades to the systems...but, that's not important, Dr. Load.

Wade's laughter interrupted Daniel's train of thought.

"Dr. Load, since you've been 'surfing' on the Cheyenne Mountain system," Daniel smiled, and Wade grinned and winced at the same time, "just how much do you know about the StarGate program?

"Only personnel, Dr. Jackson; you've got too good a security on content for me to get through. I only know what's public knowledge. When you sent me the first email, it answered a lot of questions I had about your disappearance: you'd dropped off the face of the scientific world, so to speak. I wanted to ask you where you'd been, but Momma told me not to ask personal questions like that," Wade smiled sadly and looked at the picture of his parents.

"What do you think it might be? I know that you've got a theory," Daniel replied, and Wade nodded.

"Well I could presuppose, from the two words used in the name, that it might have something to do with some form of movement or travel, given the use of the "Gate". From the word "Star", I can theorize that it might have something to do with space: a form of space travel, ergo 'StarGate.'" Wade smiled, and Daniel showed no reaction. " I would think that to have the program based in Cheyenne Mountain," Wace continued, "it would have to be classsified: from that jump, I assume that the travel is at a faster rate of speed than is generally know by the public, maybe even travel that would be close to instantaneous. However, for a theory like that to work: traveling from one place to another, one gate to another gate, at close to instantaneous speeds, you'd need more then one gate. We have neither the capabilities nor the technology to create one gate that would allow travel in that matter, let alone two" he answered, not certain where Daniel was heading with question…but he could hope.

Daniel was so taken aback by Wade's ideas based on just the name of the project, that he wondered if he was being completely truthful about just how far into Cheyenne Mountain's computer system he had gotten. Regardless, Daniel decided to take the plunge anyway.

"We didn't...but others did," he replied, pulled out a picture from his portfolio, and handed it to Wade.

Wade looked at the picture and laughed.

"?" was Daniel's quizzical look/response.

"I told Kim a few years ago that we'd dealt with everything else but aliens," he smiled. "So, Dr. Jackson, what do you need from me along with H3?"

"We need your help."

"We?" Wade reached for his PosComm containing his research, stored there as well as backed up on his servers.

"Colonel Samantha Carter and I, among others."

"Sam?" Wade smiled big.

"Yes: you _know_ Colonel Carter?"

Wade grinned. "Only in my dreams, Daniel: she was the subject of many of us young nerd's fantasies before _**and**_ after she disappeared. Lucky for me, I found Joss, or I'd still be drooling," Wade laughed.

"Joss?" Daniel asked.

"Jocelyn Possible, my fiancee," Wade explained. "We got engaged this Chistmas past, and we'll get married after she finishes college," and Wade pointed at the picture of the two of them on his desk.

"You're a very lucky man, Dr. Load," Daniel smiled as he admired the young woman's picture, but something looked familiar...

"You're the lucky one, Dr. Jackson," Wade replied. "You get to work with Sam all the time."

"You and several others might think so, Dr. Load, but I don't think of her like that."

"Daniel, Daniel, Daniel," Wade wagged his finger back and forth. "Are you saying that you _**never**_..." Wade's voice trailed off as Daniel blushed a bit.

"Well," he admitted, and Wade laughed hard.

"Well," Daniel continued, "I may have, but not any more: someone else, in particular, does, now."

"Who?"

"Jack," Daniel grinned.

"The General, and Sam?" Wade looked shocked, and Daniel nodded as he quickly made a note to himself that Wade really might really know more then he was letting on based how quickly he connected Sam and Jack, 'especially since Jack's promotion wasn't announced to the public.'

'Well, he could have done a lot worse,' Wade thought, and then he looked at Daniel quizzically and asked: "Where is Sam?" Daniel held up a small handheld device and pushed the button. There was a bright, blinding flash of light in Wade's room, and the flash dimmed to reveal Colonel Samantha Carter.

"Dr. Load," Sam smiled, and Wade stood up, walked over to her, and smiled as he shook her hand.

"Colonel Carter, in my bedroom," Wade laughed. "I guess dreams really do come true, when you wish upon a star," Wade laughed; with that statement, Sam realized just where she really was.

"You're jealous because I get to work with Sam, and you don't," Daniel shot back with a laugh.

"Well, Wade, you'll get to work with me, now," Sam replied, and then she looked around and smiled when she saw the bedcovers:

"I'm liken' the bedding, Dr. Load," Sam grinned, and Wade wished, for the nth time, that he hadn't told his mother _**or**_ Carlene that he had ever liked _Captain Constellation_. The comforter seemed to mock him as he looked at it, but-

"At least it's not _'My Little Pony,'_ Sam," Daniel replied in a dead-pan voice, and Wade witnessed an event that he had believed impossible:

Colonel Samantha Carter, United States Air Force, blushing.

"Wade, we need your help," Sam began, as Daniel held up the small handheld device again and pushed a different button: this time, the light was more brilliant than anything Wade had ever directly experienced.

When the flash of light disappeared, Wade was no longer in his room, and both Sam and Daniel were gone, as well.

--

"Well, I'm glad I didn't eat a big lunch," Wade stated as he found himself standing on a smooth surface unlike any he had ever seen before. He looked up, and-

The stars filled the view and shone brilliantly on the massive monitor in front of him, and Wade saw a pair of gas giants, duking it out within what seemed to be a stone's throw of him.

"oh, _**SNAP**_!" he yelled, and Sam grinned at the young man who turned to look at Daniel with horror on his face.

"I forgot to tell Carlene that I was leaving!" Wade yelled. "I have to go back! Besides, I didn't set up Wade-A to take over!"

"Wade-A?" Daniel asked.

"My avatar," Wade replied.

"Call your mom on that phone of yours," Sam pointed at Wade's PosComm. "It'll get through."

Wade punched a code, and a hologram of him, a few years younger, appeared in front of him, holding a giant Slurpster cup.

Wade-A looked around the room, and his eyes stuck to the monitor.

"Dang, Wade, when you get out now, you really get out," Wade-A laughed, and then he turned, saw Sam, and dropped his Slurpster: the cup and the contents both vanished as they struck the floor.

"Oh, _mama_," he whispered, and Sam laughed.

"Did I say that out loud?" The avatar asked, and Sam nodded. "I suppose Wade told you about me," and she nodded again. "Did he tell you that I was lonely, and that I had room in here for another avatar?" Wade-A asked hopefully, and Sam grinned.

"_**BAD**_ WADE-A!" Wade laughed, and Wade-A pouted.

"Hey, you won't give me a copy of 'Sweet Tea,' so what's a poor avatar to do but dream?"

"'Of electric sheep?'" Daniel asked, and he, Sam, and Wade all laughed.

"No: just of breathtakingly beautiful United States Air Force colonels," Wade-A replied, more than a bit miffed. He pulled out a camera and took several shots of Sam and the monitor.

"Tell Mom and Sweet Tea I'm on a mission, but not where, Wade-A: you have the con," Wade smiled, and Wade-A saluted and vanished.

"You're pretty amazing, yourself, Wade," Sam laughed, and Wade turned and stared at her.

"You have _**got**_ to be kidding me, Sam: you're saying _**that**_, and we're out here?"

"Wade, you haven't been looking closely enough at your checks, then: we, the Air Force, have several of your 'inventions' installed at StarGate Command. The security module on the Gate dialer is yours, you know," she added, and Wade looked puzzled.

"What's a 'Gate dialer?" he asked, and Daniel breathed a sigh of relief: one less security breach investigation to deal with.

"Not to mention your Dad's seminars that I use for research, and your Mom's artwork that we use to explain to other races what we are capable of," Sam added, and Wade's jaw opened and closed silently several times."

"Indeed, Dr. Load," Wade's head snapped around at the voice: almost mechanical, but more synthesized than mechanical, and he saw his first real-live alien enter the room. "In fact, the only reason that I am still here is because Colonel Carter told me that she was going to get you out here: I wanted to meet the son of the human that created '_**…and, then, she cried.**_' It is my favorite piece of Earth sculpture, and I wanted to tell you thank you and how deeply sorry we as the Asgard are for the loss of your mother and father: the doctors Ryan and Rachel Load are well-known throughout our culture."

Wade stared at the almost-fragile-looking being that walked up to him. "I am Thor, Supreme Commander of the Asgard fleet. Welcome to Orilla, our home world," he said and extended his hand.

Wade looked at Thor and marveled at the being: he reminded him of the descriptions he'd heard of the "Roswell Greys" of legend. No outer garments of any kind covered the alien ('no issues with nudity, obviously: must have cloning of some type: that must be the problem,' Wade thought). Thor's arms and body was very slender, with minimal muscles on his frame, long arms nearly reaching their knees, and six fingers on each hand ('Base 12: must make their computers' processes capabilities quite interesting,' Wade mused). He, Thor, was a bit over a meter tall and had a light purple/gray complexion with veins ('I assume that they're veins,' he thought) visible, and smooth, waxy-looking skin. His head was massive in comparison to his body, with the majority of space taken up by a large cranium and large black eyes ('no irises: interesting,' Wade thought). Thor's nostrils and ears were simply holes in the skull, and his mouth was small and narrow. He appeared to have a human-type skeleton: with collarbones, shoulder blades, and a ribcage.

Wade touched his hand, shook it, and smiled. "I've been waiting for this day, all my life," he added.

Thor looked at the young human, a bit darker than Teal'c and almost twice as tall as Thor himself. The smile showed those human canines that many Asgardians found offensive, but Thor understood that it was a positive sign rather than a threat. The hair on this human's head was dark and tightly-curled, not straight like Dr. Jackson or O'Neill. The young one's hands were strong and had traces of small cuts and abrasions on them, the sign of a tool-user, but it was the eyes that bothered Thor, for some reason….

"Thank you, Thor," Wade continued. "I am honored to meet the most distant fan of my mother's work. I am certain that she would be honored to know that you like her art."

"Colonel Carter," Thor released Wade's hand and looked at Sam. "I am happy that you brought Dr. Load out here, but how does this help my people's situation?"

"Thor, Dr. Load created Haesphestus-3, and he has gone on to create Haesphestus-4," Daniel replied.

"This young human?" Thor sounded incredulous. "He's not one of the Ascended: what experience could he have with these materials?"

"This is Haesphestus-2, Thor," Wade spoke, and Thor turned and faced Wade, watching as Wade's right eye changed from the dark brown to acrylic, and Wade reached up and removed it, leaving the socket open as he handed the eye to Thor. "My eyes were carved from their sockets by Diablos, and I was blind for a long time until several individuals worked to create the Haesphestus-2 material and the inorganic-organic bridge to allow my nerves to control the eye.

"The U. S. Government doesn't have Haesphestus-3 yet: it's the material for our ships; but, the Haesphestus-4 material is nanotechnology designed to not only bridge the inorganic/organic bridge but also to repair damage at a cellular level.

"You've got a problem with cloning that you haven't been able to resolve," Wade stated with a big smile, and Daniel laughed at the surprised look on Sam's face.

"Told you, Sam: he's all that and a bag of chips," Daniel chuckled.

Thor took that moment to return the eye back to Wade and watched him replace the back into its socket. Thor remained silent as Wade quietly jerked for just a second. The replaced eye quickly matched its twin before Wade spoke again.

"I'm going to need one more person to make this work, Sam." Wade turned and looked at her. "Dr. Anne Possible."

"The neurosurgeon?"

"That's the one: if I call her, can you bring her here?"

"Do you know where she is?" Sam asked, and Wade grinned.

"I just might," he replied, and he hit the red button twice on his PosComm.

A face appeared on his screen.

"Wade!" Anne exclaimed. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

"Dr. Possible, do you have some free time?"

"Wade, what have I told you about the formality?"

"I'm sorry…Anne, but it's still hard to call you that, even today…but, that's not important.

"I have a special patient that I need your very special help with, Anne. Are you free for a few days?"

"I'm never free, Wade," Anne grinned, "but, for a friend, I just might be able to swing a favor. Let me check my schedule," Anne reached over and picked up her BlueBerry. "Let's see…no major surgeries scheduled until three weeks from now….I'm free, Wade. What's the deal?"

"Clearances still good, Anne?"

"Of course, Wade, why: is this a government situation?"

"You could say that," he grinned. "Can you come now?"

"Certainly: I'll get my coat and bag, and you can send the directions to my BlueBerry."

"Better, still: grab your coat and bag, and stand still."

"Got my coat on and my bag in hand, Wade. What's up?"

Wade looked up at Daniel and Sam, and saw that they were finishing the adjustments on the device that had brought them here. Daniel looked up and nodded at Wade.

"Anne, are you ready for something 'completely different?'" Wade grinned as he nodded back to Daniel; and with that Daniel pressed the button.

A flash, and Dr. Anne Possible was standing in front of a grinning Wade Load with a very shocked and surprised look on her face.

"That's what's up, Anne," Wade replied, and Anne gasped as she turned and looked at the starry, starry monitor.

"Dr. Anne Possible, wife of Dr. James Possible of the Middleton Space Center," Thor announced, and Anne turned, stared, and recovered quickly.

"Annie?" Sam grinned, and Anne turned and laughed out loud.

"Samantha Carter: I should have known!" Anne handed the bag to Wade and ran, meeting Sam halfway in a big hug.

"I see you've come up in the world…Colonel, correct?" Anne smiled and squeezed Sam, and Sam squeezed back.

"'Up' is one way to look at it, Annie," Same replied, "but look at you: married to James, and…you're _**Kim's mom**_?" Sam suddenly put the names together, and Anne nodded. "I should have known," Sam laughed.

"Sam, do you know Anne?" Wade looked perplexed.

"Long story, Wade: ran into each other while Annie was in Graduate School and I was in Undergrad. She was my lab instructor," Sam smiled.

"And, at least you finally figured out the formulae for the successful chemical reactions; otherwise, you never would have survived Organic Chemistry and graduated with honors," Anne reminded her, and Sam grinned and turned a bit pink.

"May I assume that this is the patient?" Anne looked at Thor and smiled, and Thor couldn't help but feel better when Anne smiled at him.

Why, he had no way of knowing.

"Dr. Possible, we need your assistance, and I do not know if you and Dr. Load can help, but Colonel Carter and Dr. Jackson are convinced that you can save my race from its foolishness."

"Cloning?" Anne asked, and Thor nodded.

"Never the easy ones, is it, Wade?" Anne laughed, and Wade smiled.

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**Author's Afterward**

Well, you're getting some answers, and some more questions…

For a short story that started as a response to an old joke, this has exploded…and it was a good explosion.

Unfortunately for the newest creatures, the plot squirrels that have assumed lodging in my trees in the yard didn't get their construction permits approved to add onto my house. Unfortunately for me, though, the bunnies have also taken up residence in the back yard (three of them, and lots of baby bunnies are roaming the neighborhood at night). **Define, Hell** will continue, in spite of the setback to the squirrels.

In case you hadn't noticed, there are a few new actors involved, thanks to the _**StarGate SG-1**_ and _**StarGate: Atlantis**_ shows, and there will be a slight twist to the last episode of _**StarGate SG-1**_

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Next, on _**Define, Hell V (or, Define, Hell, IIIII): Graduation Surprises: **_**Chapter 3: no sheep**

To my readers: thank you. The hits and reviews will tell me if this is a one-time read.

Thank you, to all of you, for continuing to support me in this journey.

Thanks again for reading, and please review.

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